Narrative Rough Draft

Jacob Kirsch

10/11/15

English 101

It all started in September 2007 when I attempted to write my first real essay. It was the first day of school, so everyone was excited. We had to wait outside of the school in an area sort of like a college quad until our teacher, Mr. Brennan, opened the door. We would often get cold really fast since fall was right around the corner. The quad-like area was somewhat depressing, just a lot of concrete and a couple of blue tables with benches attached to them. Dead leaves would often blow around like tumbleweeds in a desert. Since the whole classroom had to wait outside, most people got acquainted before we even got into class. I checked my crappy glow-in-the-dark watch that I got out of a Rice Krispies cereal box. It was one minute until 8:45, when class was supposed to start. All of a sudden the worn blue metal door opens and we see a tall bald man with some kind of beard/mustache combination. It was Mr. Brennan. He seemed happy to see us, and impatiently invited us in.

The classroom was pretty…. Interesting. It had brick walls, hideous blue and brown carpet, some bright orange counter tops that lined two walls, and a humongous heater under a window that overlooked the “quad”. There were about seven tables in the room with a “wood-like” pattern surface, which sat four to each. We quickly found our spots and sat down. Before we could start chatting with our tablemates, Mr. Brennan started his introduction.

“Welcome to the 3^rd grade!” He exclaimed. “I’m Mr. Brennan, your teacher for the entire year. I’m so excited to be working with you!”

He continued introducing himself, talked about the class, and assigned our first project, an essay. Mr. Brennan handed out our first prompt. I took out my red notebook and placed it on the table in front of me, I was ready. The prompt read “Talk about your favorite type of dog and why it is your favorite! Your favorite dog could be any type of dog, real or fictional. Creatively write your essay in a five paragraph essay form.”

I had to do a double take. “What was a five paragraph essay form?” I thought. “Was I supposed to learn this last year?” I just kept staring at the prompt as time flew by faster than a military jet. As it did, anxiety engulfed me. About 2 hours later (which seemed like an easy five minutes), we were dismissed for lunch.

 My classmates and I made our way to the multipurpose room, a huge gym-like area where we also had P.E. The floor was a light brown with blue, red, and yellow lines for basketball. The room was illuminated by huge windows near the ceiling, 3 four paned windows per wall. Even though the majority of the students went up and bought hot lunch, I never did. I sat down at one of the brown fold-up tables, put down my red rectangular prism-like lunchbox, took in some air, and let out a huge sigh. I had no idea what I was doing, I couldn’t even touch my food. This essay was one of my biggest challenges yet. A challenge that I had no idea if I could even do.

At the end of lunch, we were instructed by the lunch lady who made sure we didn’t get into any shenanigans at lunch, to go back to our class. As I stumbled out of the multipurpose room, I felt as if I was about to burst out crying. Why was I not able to do this? Everyone else seemed to have an amazingly easy time with this project. I felt so secluded, like I was stupid for not knowing how to write an easy five paragraph essay.

My class walked back to our room. Everyone took their seat and continued to work on our essays. I just kept staring at the prompt, occasionally acting like I was writing my essay in my notebook. About 10 minutes before class got out, I snuck out the door that connected to the hall, and hid in the bathroom until class was out so I didn’t have to turn in all zero pages of my essay. I ran to the bus, and couldn’t even think about anything else for the rest of the night.

The next day turned out to be different.  Mr. Brennan handed back essays, not mine of course, and asked some of my peers to read, luckily I wasn’t chosen. As I listened to my classmate’s essays, I tried to understand the form, and it still didn’t click. Some of their essays were very creative, especially this one guy’s whose favorite dog was a blue one with rainbow polka dots. It was weird, but still very enjoyable. Later, we were dismissed for lunch, Mr. Brennan stopped me right in my tracks.

“Jacob,” he said in an expressive voice, “I didn’t see your essay in the stack of ones I received, did you hand it in?”

I confessed. I told him that I didn’t do any of it, and how I didn’t know how to.

“Well why didn’t you ask for help?” he asked. I looked at the ground and remained silent with embarrassment.

“Alright,” he sighed. “Stay in here during lunch and I’ll explain it to you.” I was just happy I didn’t get in trouble.

Mr. Brennan ushered me to grab a chair and come sit next to him in front of his computer. He pulled out his pesto spaghetti that he had packed for lunch, and opened a Microsoft word file on his computer.

“This is my template essay that I show to students who are having some trouble with theirs,” he said with some kind of proud tone. “You’re not the only one who didn’t understand, so don’t worry.”

He voiced that multiple students came up to him yesterday, not understanding how to write the essay. And just like that, so much anxiety and worry slide off my shoulders like a hockey puck on ice. I pulled out my notebook and started to take notes while Mr. Brennan slowly ate his green-speckled noodles.

“In a five paragraph essay, each paragraph should have at least 5 sentences. Our first paragraph, is your introduction.” I started writing furiously in my notebook.
 “The first sentence is your opener, a short sentence about the main idea of your topic. The next three sentences should be your main points about your essay. For example, in yesterday’s essay, your main points would be why your favorite dog is your favorite.”

He described some creative examples like “because my favorite dog changes color” or “because my favorite dog sings”. I slowly started to understand everything as he went on to cover the last sentence of the first paragraph and the next 4 paragraphs. I was confident I was going to do this right. As Mr. Brennan finished up my classmates started to enter the room.

“I’m going to give you time to work on your essay out in the hall for the rest of the school day.” Mr. Brennan uttered to me. He ended up printing out his template for me to use, so all the notes I took and the stress on my hand from writing too fast was ultimately for nothing. I thanked him an easy one thousand times, then skipped out into the hall. I put the prompt and my notebook on the only work space in the hall. It was a tan desk that was attached to the chair like you would see in 90’s movies. As I sat down, every word and sentence came to me so easy. Every minute I would look at what I wrote and then look at the template to make sure I was writing everything correctly in the correct form. School dismissed at 3:15, and I surprisingly ended up finishing it at 3:10. I was so happy and proud of myself. I had completed my first essay. I ripped the pages out of my notebook, ran into the classroom to staple it, and handed it in. Mr. Brennan read over my essay and gave me a huge smile.

“It looks great, Jacob!” he chuckled. “I bet next week’s essay will be even better!”

My smile morphed into a face of disbelief. I asked him to repeat.

“Next week’s essay…. We have one every week.” Something I apparently missed in the introduction. I turned around, walked to my seat, sat down, and tried to focus on the work I did that day, not what he just shared with me. I had completed my first essay.

Even though some students and graduates say that a majority of the information they learn in school they will never use again, I knew the 5 paragraph essay form was different. I will forever be thankful to Mr. Brennan for sharing a method and tool that will help me with my literary path for the rest of my life.

 

“Taking Stock of Your Writing”

1. My main point of this narrative was to tell my audience a few things. 1. That you can get through anything you put your mind to, 2. Asking for help is always good to do especially when you are struggling, and 3. That there is always going to be someone having the same problems as you, and you’re not alone. 

2. My audience was pretty much anyone who felt lost or confused. I assumed that they needed a story that could help them with their problems that were similar to mine in this narrative.

3.   I received feedback mostly about my phrasing, and how I should maybe say stuff differently, or in a different order. I got this input from my mom, and I was able to make use of it by reading my story sentence by sentence, to see what I could change, what I could do to help my narrative come to life, or what made the most sense.

4. What I found interesting about the process I went through with writing this narrative was the steps that our Professor assigned. It really helped get my thoughts in order and overall create my narrative. I learned that it’s always important to get your thoughts down when writing an essay.

5.   I would like my Professor to be honest with me about what I can work on to make my narrative or writing style better for future essays and narratives. It would be nice to see which parts were dull to the reader, or which parts painted a picture.

 
Notes to Revise:

Go over my narrative sentence by sentence to see what sounds dull, and try to make it better.

 

More expressive detail.

Have some of my friends read it to see what I could change.

 

 

5 Characteristic Features.

1. A Clearly Identified Event: What happened? Who was involved?
Overall, what happened was I learned how to write essays in a clear and organized way that helped me not only at that time in my life, but in all the times I've worked on essay, I still use these strategies as an effective way to complete an essay. The only person mainly involved was my teacher, Mr. Brennan.

2. A Clearly Described Setting: When and Where did It Happen? This happened in the 3rd grade. It was in Mr. Brennan's class room. It was a room lit by florescent lights with brick walls, and a blue carpet that seemed out of place. Some counters and closets were in front 2 of the walls. All a light orange, which dragged the eyes all the time.

3. Vivid, Descriptive Details: What Makes the Story Come Alive? I'll probably talk about the process of learning of how to write essays and how I used the "5 paragraph essay" format. How I struggled with learning it, and how I was given so much helpful criticism that was hard for me to use since I was new at this type of writing, and how I overcame and learned to use it correctly, and how it helps me today.

4. A Consistent Point of View: Who's Telling the Story? I don't know. In this story, first and third person could both be a good way to tell the story. Even though I want to do the story in first person, doing it in third might be an easier and better way to go.

5. A Clear Point: Why Does the Story Matter? Overall, the story is about my path in learning to write a clear and organized essay, a tool that I can use for the rest of my life. It's about how I overcome my struggles with writing and make it into something that I really enjoy doing.

Annotations

The author opens with how her father helped her with her path of literacy showing that he is going to be a big part in the narrative. As she starts to describe how she went on bike rides with her father, the story starts to become chronological. The author makes the story come alive as she says, "I would recite the poem to myself, even when the weather was cold and my breath made the air foggy." The author described how her father helped her with her literacy path by giving her books to read such as "Pretty woman" and how he gave her more books from his favorite authors as she grew up. Luken talks about how her father encouraged her to read female writer shuch as Carson McCullers, Zora Neale Hurston, and Flannery O'Connor so she would feel empowered and not feel like she is any less than a man as a writer or in everyday life. Since she learned so much as a writer, the author talks about how she wants to branch off and study French so she can challenge herself and be as good of a writer with French as she is with English. In the last two paragraphs of page 135, the author express the main points of why her father matters so much to her and his affect on her. Luken talks about the heartfelt quote that was below the bells, finally concluding the narrative.

In Class Lab 10/6/15

1. “The hall had no windows; only fluorescent lighting illuminated the large space.” Pg 128 Paragraph #2

2. “Seeking higher ground, she climbed on top of her dining room table. It, like most of her furniture, had been handed down from her grandparents. The table was bulky and heavy; normally, it took three men to move it. But as the water continued to rise, the table started moving, then rocking --- Lydia knew she was in trouble.” Pg 129 & 130 Paragraph 4

3. “Lydia was soft spoken, but eager to have her tooth examined.” Pg 128 Paragraph 3

“Entering the large VFW, we were struck by the chemical odor of a cleaning solution so strong it seemed toxic.” Pg 128 Paragraph 2

“Her tongue became dry and her lips were cracked, but she only was aware of being terrified of the water.” Pg 130 Paragraph 3

Narrative Ideas:

5 paragraph essays/Masterpieces from elementary school

Reading in front of people

Jan

Reading my cousin’s papers

5. I want to share this story to fulfill the assignment, but also describe my first experience with long stories/papers.

6. I think people will have similar experiences, since I’m writing about my first papers from Elementary school. I think writing learning to write papers/essays in Elementary school is an experience that most people experience.

7. I would say that attitude is probably affectionate, because this is where I first learned some writing tools and strategies that help me even today.

8. My narrative will most likely be in print. Orally would be ok too so I could be challenged since I have a hard time with saying speeches or papers in front of a group.

9. I see my teacher, Mr. Brennan. The brick walls of the classroom with a carpet that didn’t match. Colored closets and desks. Writing guidelines and Masterpiece guidelines. Student made masterpieces bound together by staples and tape with old book covers on the front and back. A poster of Albert Einstein with a quote by him, one of Mr. Brennan’s favorite quote. Leaves blowing around outside the window.

10. I hear the sound of the 30 year old heater, which sounds just a little bit quieter than a vacuum. You can hear the kids in the classroom next to ours. Wind blowing.

11. The classroom smells of an old closet, which isn’t that bad.

12. I felt nervous and excited to work on my essay/masterpiece. The room starts to warm from the heater.

13. I taste some mint or some sort of fruit from the gum I’m chewing. I chewed gum a lot. Occasionally I would drink water from my water bottle.

14. Mr. Brennan was a tall man, about 6 foot 5. He was bald and had a weird beard and mustache combo thing.  He usually wore a coat in the mornings until the heater started heating up the room. His voice was very loud so he could get our attention, but he was fair, nice, and helpful to all of his students, going over parts that we didn’t understand, or helping us come up with topics different ideas for our papers.

15.  “This week, our five paragraph essay will be about your favorite animal and why it is your favorite animal.” Mr. Brennan told the class

“Can it be any animal?” A student asked.

“Of course!” Mr. Brennan exclaimed. “Any animal you want.”

“What if it’s not a real animal… Can I write about that?” asks the student.

“Umm, Well I guess you could. Make sure to be descriptive about your animal though.” Mr. Brennan responds.

“Ok!” says the student cheerfully.

16. When writing our essays and masterpieces, we started pondering our essays a drawing of our outline which we focused on a lot. We would then write our drafts, then slowly had other students edit our essays while we edited others. When we finally felt confident, we would hand them in, or have Mr. Brennan look it over.

17. The meanings of these events really helped me by shaping my whole way of writing. It made me have a little bit of a templete, something to start with, and to this day, it is still extremely helpful. If Mr. Brennan had not helped me or shown me this type of writing, I would probably be really behind in writing in general. It helped me shape ideas, and shape my whole essay. This story matters to me, because it's really the start of me learning to write with some logic in a way, not just a bunch of  scrambled ideas on a piece of paper. These events contribute to a huge part of my writing, and I am forever grateful for them.

Response to Other Definitions

      When reading some of my classmate’s blog posts of their definitions of rhetorical thinking and acting, I felt happy and confident about mine. Reading their definitions only strengthened my own, mostly because of there were a good amount of similarities. It seems in all of the definitions I read confirmed the parts of my own definition to be true such as when thinking rhetorically we should not just focus on our own stance, but our opponent’s or other people’s stances too. One thing I did find interesting about the definitions I read was how they didn’t mention having an open mind when considering others stances. Yes, some did say something along the lines of “You have to think everyone’s side of the discussion”, but I really think when it comes to thinking rhetorically, having an open mind is a necessity. You can consider everyone’s side and stance, but you can be stubborn about how “right” or “correct” your stance is while doing so. When it comes to an open mind, as it suggests, you have to be open to having your opinion swayed or completely changed because of new information. In my opinion, having an open mind is a ginormous and very important part in thinking and acting rhetorically.

Rhetoric Definition

From what we have read in the text book, my personal definition of rhetoric is "a way of thinking and acting that makes you question and analyze all stances and views of a topic , so you are able to answer every question someone may have about your stance or someone else’s." An example would be something like the recent discussion on whether or not we should stop funding Planned Parenthood. You need to research your topic, consider why you have the stance that you do and why the opposing party has the stance that they do. As I said before, this does not only have to do with writing, but with how you act every day. Even if it’s just some random conversation you are having with a friend, thinking rhetorically helps us to see all points of a conversation, seem more intellectually stimulating to the other person, and help us practice the art of rhetoric for use in more serious situations. In addition, one thing that is important to me personally, is to be open to new ideas and thoughts on a discussion. Without an open mind, it is hard to truly understand the topic and help better your own argument.

Rhetorical Situations - Narratives

Summary of Lydia’s story

You have to be able to focus through serious situations.

We all said the story was being told through third-person.

The descriptive words throughout the story paints good images in the readers mind.

To spread awareness to all sorts of citizens who might possibly face a tragedy similar to this one in the future.

 

Connections between Chapter 2 and Lydia’s Story

The narrative fits the description of a rhetorical situation. For example, the tone was very serious and formal. The audience is anyone who is interested in reading about the storms. The purpose of this story is to spread awareness. 

 

THINK ABOUT

We all narrated how stories are conveyed through songs

Some of us also mentioned some personal communication/socialization.

Also, some textbook reading involving stories as an example in order to help us learn.

We watched TV shows/ movies with interesting and amusing narratives to become inspired and be introduced to a new world.

Emily talked about ads and commercials and how they influence us to buy their product.

 

THINK BEYOND WORDS

We think that both can be very powerful in their own ways. Written stories can be more powerful by being more descriptive. In videos you can sense emotion and see how the individual feels about the subject.

COMPARE NARRATIVES

Music and magazines.

Both forms of mediums can force people to think about certain situations.

Stories can be told through music that can affect people on emotional levels more than the average magazine.

In magazines, stories can be told with more literary sense, unlike songs, which have more metaphors, similes and rhythm.